Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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