remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
