Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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