I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
