Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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