and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
