I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
