Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
