ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
