Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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