Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
