atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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