Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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