well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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