I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
