just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
