sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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