ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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