Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
