Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
