I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am spending my child support on dildos
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
