just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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