Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
