So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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