At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
