My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
