First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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