there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
