I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
