was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
