The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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