cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
