I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
