i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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