I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
