We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
