You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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