Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
