Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
