i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You took a bar mat shot.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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