You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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