Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
