Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
