Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
