his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
