so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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