her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
