he wants to bone in the snuggie
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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