What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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