I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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